The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

In my master's course, we are talking about prejudice and inequity. We were asked to answer these questions:

What memory do you have of an incident when you experienced bias, prejudice, and/or oppression?

I ended up going to high school in the middle of desegregation and was bussed to the “black” side of town. I was white and grown up in the same neighborhood, with the same friends, going to the neighborhood church and school. My world was very small. The tension was terrible. I remember a lot of fighting, yelling and screaming. A black girl beat me up on the bus one time. I was one of just a handful of whites getting on the all-black bus. I was the last one to get on and had jeers and stares. The black bus driver was no help. On my first day of school, a black teacher looked right and me and yelled “we don’t want you here anymore than you want to be here!” That set the tone for my entire high school career. To put it mildly, high school was “hell”! My brother ended up on drugs and alcohol and my sister ended up dropping out. This happened to other friends of ours. The only reason I completed school was that I knew I had to graduate to go to college and being an elementary teacher was all I ever wanted. I was mostly alone until my junior year, when I met two more white girls feeling the same way I did. I kept to myself and made sure that I didn’t go down the “black” hall or into the “black” bathrooms. On more than one occasion, I was pushed into a wall or locker and propositioned by black basketball players. I genuinely felt threatened every day of my high school life and began to hate black people in general as a result of the prejudice against whites.

In what way(s) did the specific bias, prejudice and/or oppression in that incident diminish equity?

As mentioned above, I was not able to go down certain halls or even certain bathrooms. I wasn’t helped in the library and had no sympathy from teachers or even the school counselors. I was not part of the dominant black culture and was hated. I felt attacked on a daily basis by my Black English teacher. When I would ask her questions, she would answer in demeaning ways and imply that I was stupid. My history teacher used several occasions to openly embarrass me. As a teacher, I now see that the entire culture was against desegregation and adults were taking it out on the students, as well as each other. I only remember two white teachers during my stay at high school.

What feelings did this incident bring up for you?

I was fearful for my life. There were knifings and riots at most football and basketball games. I feared being raped by black boys and was propositioned on many occasions. I felt threatened and was made to feel stupid.

What and/or who would have to change in order to turn this incident into an opportunity for greater equity?

Desegregation would have had to end and allow me to go back to the white high school on the white side of town with all of the friends I grew up with. My best friend’s parents put her into private school to avoid this process. I guess they knew what was coming politically and socially. We met the first day of kindergarten. Our mothers got to know each other, and my mother took care of her for the rest of my school life, until high school. We were practically sisters and are still friends today. When we talk about this situation, she was able to enjoy her high school life in a private, white school and felt safe, secure and loved. For a long time, I blamed my parents for not being able to send me to another school or for not moving away. I also blamed my mother, who didn’t work, for not getting up and taking me to school so I could avoid being on the bus. So, not only did I have all the fears, nightmares and constant verbal attacks, I grew to resent my own parents. I never went through teenage rebellion and was a model child, according to them. This incident sent me into deep depression, which I have battled to this day. I turned completely inward and withdrew from society in general. I stopped eating and probably was anorexic for some years, even though I wasn’t diagnosed. This moment in time has scarred me and I made sure that my children didn’t attend public school at all. I look at most black people through the eyes of my high school experience, even though one of my best friends is black.