This week, we have been studying microaggression. I was asked to “Describe at least one example of a microaggression which you detected this week or remember from another time. In what context did the microaggression happen? What did you think and feel when you observed the microaggression or when you found yourself as the target of a microaggression? In what ways did your observation experiences this week affect your perception of the effects of discrimination, prejudice, and/or stereotypes on people.”
Dictionary.com defines the term aggression as “the action of one state violating in force the rights of another state; any offensive action, attack or procedure; an encroachment; the practice of making assaults or attacks; offensive actions in general” (2011). When I look at this definition, it doesn’t really fit with simply asking people questions or being genuinely interested in who they are – thus the prefix “micro”. I think asking people where they are from is simply a courtesy, a first step in getting to know someone, like asking them what the weather is like. I’m not sure where the severe psychological harm comes in. I think we can all allow people to “get under our skin” or “make us feel bad about ourselves”. It is a personal choice to move away from that and know these remarks or comments do not define us as individuals. Self-esteem and those assurances come from knowing who you are in Christ, as a child of God. My value comes from Him, and not from what others say about me, assume or even imply.
I haven’t witnessed any signs of this happening this week that I was consciously aware of. I guess Dr. Sue would say that’s because I’m white! However, according to Dr. Sue, I was guilty of it. I work in a school with almost 700 students, 95% of which are Hispanic. Teachers have full-time, bilingual teaching assistants in each classroom. I was invited to a party by one of the assistants invited me to a party and I attended. There were approximately 100 Hispanics and two whites in the room. While sitting at the table, enjoying the meal, I had been talking to a woman for about five minutes. I asked a woman where she was born. I thought this might be nicer than saying “where are you from?” She laughed and said “Old Mexico. What did you think?” About six months ago, I asked another Hispanic in our building where she was born; she seemed insulted and replied “America. What did you think?” So, when I compare these conversations, it seems that Dr. Sue would say that I was in the wrong both times, when I thought I was simply engaging in conversation – wanting to get to know another person.
I do believe that these kinds of offenses are going to simply alienate people like me and prevent us from attempting to get to know others who are different from us. I was born in Oklahoma and was once asked where I was born. When I replied “Oklahoma” the person gasped and said I didn’t sound like an okie. I wasn’t offended at all! I found it humorous. Would this have been considered microaggression? Can a white American be the recipient of microaggression?
Finally, I like people! I am a people person. I like getting to know other people. I think this is why I am engaging in microaggression and don’t even realize it. I thought it was just a natural curiosity. A few years ago, damali ayo wrote a book entitled How to Rent a Negro. I watched her for an hour on public television explaining what I now understand are these microaggressions. At the time, I remember thinking how absurd she was when someone asked if she washed her dreadlocks like “regular” hair. I just saw it as a cultural curiosity. She was extremely insulted. According to Dr. Sue, I was trivializing her culture and engaging in racial bias, stereotyping, microinsults and microinvalidation just having these thoughts. I have ordered her book and am going to read it with this new awareness that I have discovered this week.
As a child, I was verbally abused. For many years, I didn’t want to acknowledge that. My family was my family and I didn’t know any other way. Since becoming an adult and mother myself, I see that a member of our family was making a conscious choice to constantly berate and demean me. It was very hurtful and took counseling in adulthood to even identify what had happened and how it made me feel. So, if a person is constantly being asked where they are from, when they were born in America, I can see how that might get under their skin or aggravate them. However, we do live in a pluralistic, melting pot. As humans, we all make assumptions about where people are from based on their skin type, language, accent and dress. I don’t think this is the fault of only “white” Americans. When I travel, people assume that I am American. Is it because I’m white and speak English? I think the assumption that Americans are white, English speakers comes from our origin: pilgrims coming from England to America and establishing a colony. This is not to say that they "discovered" America. This does not imply that Native Americans weren't already here. It's just the way people have thought for the past 200 years about Americans. As white Americans, we must begin to realize that people from all over the world have been coming here to make a new and better life. So, naturalized citizens do all look different and have heritages from all over the world.
This microaggression realization is disturbing on some levels and is causing me to look within and re-evaluate who I am in Christ, as a woman, mother, wife, teacher and friend. I do not want to change the way I think on human rights, moral issues or equality, but do not want to absentmindedly offend others. I also wonder if much of this so-called “microaggression” (I don’t even like the word) is really people taking interest in other cultures and people becoming too easily offended. Dr. Sue would say that is microinvalidation or microinsulting. As a woman of God, I know that we are to deem others greater than ourselves. John McArthur (a Christian religious teacher and pastor) speaks on the radio daily. He believes that when we are taking these kinds of “insults” personally, we believe that we have some kind of rights over another that actually none of us has. That is the right to demand our way, to think that we should never be insulted or offended, to believe that it’s all about us. These teachings, again, have caused me to reflect on this microaggression. I’m sure Dr. Sue would say I think this way because I am white.
Finally, my observation experiences this week have not affected my perception of the effects of discrimination, prejudice, and/or stereotypes on people. The research and story from Dr. Sue have made me aware that it does exist. Until this week, I'd never heard of it. So, when I meet a person whom I want to get to know and want to ask where they are from, I might begin the conversation by simply asking generic questions about their family and sharing about my family. I might ask about work, hobbies or other interests instead of starting a conversation with “where are you from?” Maybe in the course of this conversation, my natural curiosity will be abated. Maybe not. Either way, I’m still going to attempt to get to know people because I think that’s the best way to end this cycle of microaggression.
Laureate Education, Inc. (2011). “Microaggressions in Everyday Life” with Dr. Sue.
Dictionary.com (2011). Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/aggression
