Farewell and Good Luck

As I come to the end of my course in Communicating and Collaborating in the Early Childhood Field, I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of my colleagues. Thank you for your constructive comments, your interactions and your professionalism. Thank you for your commitment to a higher level of learning. I want to offer a special “thanks” to Kali. Kali and I have forged a long-distance relationship and I hope it continues for many years to come. We seem to be of one heart and one mind. I wish all of my colleagues continued success in their professional and personal endeavors.

I leave you with this thought: Celebrate!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

Team Building and Collaboration

For my blog this week, I was to complete the following activity: consider the adjourning phase of several of the groups which I have been involved. I was to think about which aspects of the groups made for the hardest good-bye and answer the following questions.

Are high-performing groups hardest to leave? Yes, high performing groups are hard to leave because it is such a self-esteem builder to be accomplishing something. Groups with the clearest established norms? Again, it is hardest to leave this group because of the success.

Which of the groups that I participated in was hardest to leave? My first-born daughter was diagnosed with cancer in first grade. I worked for the Oklahoma Children’s Cancer Association for three years. We meet monthly, did fundraising, work with doctors and the hospital while a new children’s wing was being built; started and funded many new projects, gave financial support to the children’s cancer ward, took vacations (like snow skiing trips) together and I was in charge of a Christmas Party for several hundred people each year. I devoted hundreds of hours in service to this organization, to children with cancer and their families. I was the President in my final year. I had considered serving this organization for many years to come, but life circumstances made it such that I needed to quit at the end of my third term. It was very hard to leave, partly because my whole family was involved and partly because we had made such a connection with so many people. However, being surrounded by cancer, hurting families and watching so many children die was very emotionally draining. I often miss the group, the support we received and the level of participation at which I was involved. It will always be with me, in my heart and mind.

What sorts of closing rituals have you experienced or wish you had experienced? I really didn’t have much of a closing ritual with the Oklahoma Children’s Cancer Association. I was President one day and simply resigned the next. There were no parties or big “good-byes”. My life just continued without the group. I kept in touch with one couple and we are now down to just exchanging Christmas cards each year. I don’t think I would have wanted anything big or special. The way I left the group seems appropriate for that time of life. However, when I was President of my daughters' school PTO, I was given a party, gifts and told I had done a great job by many members of the school. I received a great deal of 'kudos' for the next several years as I saw things that I had started blossom into something big. Even though that was over ten years ago, I occassionally meet someone who will comment about something that my board started or did that made them proud. That closure just evolved over time and took several years to complete.

How do you imagine that you will adjourn from the group of colleagues you have formed while working on your master’s degree in this program? I have already established a close relationship with one person in my master’s degree classes even though this has all been online and we have never met. We are already talking about needing to meet someday and I’m sure we will exchange e-mail addresses upon leaving so that we can stay in touch with one another. We might exchange e-mail, facebook posts or Christmas cards. We will always have the accomplishment of this class in common. I feel that she is a very high functioning student, as am I. It’s funny how you can make these kinds of connections and long-distance friendships without even meeting someone in person. We live hundreds of miles apart and don’t expect that our paths will ever cross again.

Why is adjourning an essential stage of teamwork? Again, it’s that sense of accomplishment and teamwork. It builds respect and is just courteous. Think about when you are talking to people. If they just get up and walk away, it feels rude and awkward. However, if you have a few pleasantries, comments and good-byes and proper closure, there is a sense of respect and satisfaction in that. Closure says that you did the job you came to do, you accomplished it and now it is time to move on to the next goal, the next phase, the next group. Adjourning, or ending the group, is an essential part of a quality team.

(Adapted from O’Hair and Wiemann, 2009, pp. 254–255)

Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

For my assignment this week, I was to: think about any disagreements, or conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently experiencing at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life. Share at least two strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or resolve the conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be effective.

A disagreement or conflict I have been engaged in recently is with regard to the way our team is teaching first graders to read. There are some practices going on that are not best practices and are not aligned with research. They also do not promote the best way for children to learn to read. I have been participating in these discussions with my team of five other first grade teachers.

Some practices that I am using to communicate with my colleagues are simply being respectful and not making accusations. I am also using research and data to promote some quality professional discussions with regard to ways to teach children to read. For instance, not one person of the other five on my team uses small group instruction, reading groups or literacy centers. I am offering my help and encouragement whenever possible. I want to encourage my colleagues so that they will feel comfortable using small group instruction and successful. I am looking for and suggesting professional development they can attend and sharing books on the subject that I own. I have offered to have teachers come into my room to observe and let me help them make a plan.

I am definitely using the three R’s for communication: being respectful, reciprocal and responsive. I am practicing talking less and listening more. I am focusing on the other person’s thoughts, ideas and obstacles. My colleagues agreed that we are all engaged in respectful conversations with regard to this situation and are working toward a solution and focusing on doing what is best for our students.

(Adapted from O’Hair & Wiemann, 2009, p. 220)

Communication and Culture

For my assignment this week, I took three surveys on communication and listening styles. These were the Communication Anxiety Inventory, Verbal Aggressiveness Scale and the Listening Styles Profile.

After completing the surveys, I found that I scored a 23 on the Communication Anxiety Inventory. Accordingly, I am a level low and this shows that I am comfortable “communicating in most situations and feel confident in anticipating such encounters” (Rubin, Palmgreen & Sypher, 2009).

I scored a 73 on the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale which is considered high. This means that I “often resort to character attacks and ridicule when talking to others who do not share my viewpoints. My aggressiveness may cause anger, hurt feelings, and embarrassment, and will rarely, if ever, persuade the listener to my point of view” (Rubin, Palmgreen & Sypher, 2009). This surprised me since, according to the Listening Styles Profile, I was categorized as being in Group 1.

Group 1 embodies people who are people-oriented. This means that I am “empathetic and concerned with the emotions of others. This listening style helps me to build relationships, but it can interfere with proper judgment because I tend to be very trusting of others” (Rubin & Rubin, et al., 2009).

I was not surprised by the Communication Anxiety Inventory results nor the Listening Styles Profile. I am very comfortable speaking in any situation, enjoy meeting new people and speak in front of large crowds on a regular basis. The Listening Styles Profile was quite accurate in that I do care about the feelings of others and am very trusting of people. I believe like Anne Frank “that people are really good at heart” (2011). However, I was not surprised that I am verbally aggressive, but never imagined that I engage in character attacks.

I was not surprised to find that other sources that I chose to take the survey (a former colleague and my daughter) came to similar conclusions. I was always placed in Group 1 by every person who scored my listening style.My verbal aggressiveness scores ranged from 56-61, which puts me in the low to moderate category. My personal score had placed me in the high category. This shows that I was much harder on myself than my friends and family. The low to moderate category means that I am not engaging in character attacks, as stated by my own results, but that I am “respectful of the viewpoints and intelligence of others” and that I “maintain a good balance between respect and consideration for others’ viewpoints” (Rubin, Palmgreen & Sypher, 2009). This also indicates that I “attempt to change their minds with gentle, inoffensive suggestions that do not attack their self-concept” and that I have “the ability to argue fairly by attacking the facts of a position rather than the person holding that position” (Rubin, Palmgreen & Sypher).

The information I gleaned from these surveys, and the results of others, have helped me develop some communication goals. While I will probably always be comfortable in speaking in crowds and with total strangers, I can focus on not always dominating the conversation. I can work harder to keep my mouth shut and listen more. I can continue to respect others and not attack a person's character when disagreeing. I can also work to focus on people and relationships when listening to others, but focus on the facts and data when I'm communicating information with the parents of my students.

Finally, “self-esteem refers to how one feels about oneself, usually in a particular situation” (O’Hair & Weimann, 2009). According to the results of these surveys, I have a very strong self-esteem and it comes through loud and clear in my speaking, listening and communication styles. It would behoove me to focus less on myself and more on others as I continue to engage in effective communication throughout my lifetime.

In this video, Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street show us that good communication can do a world of good!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0tyDqPPaSM&feature=related

Resources

Brainyquote. (2001-2011). Retrieved October 2, 2011 from http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/anne_frank.html

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge. “Communication Anxiety Inventory” and “Verbal Aggressiveness Scale” Copyright 2009 Taylor & Francis Group LLC Books. Used with permission from Routledge via the Copyright Clearance Center.

Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge. “Listening Styles Profile-16” Copyright 2009 Taylor & Francis Group LLC Books. Used with permission from Taylor & Francis via the Copyright Clearance Center.

Communication

For my assignment this week, I was asked to: think about the cultural diversity you see in your colleagues at school, in your neighborhood, in your workplace, and also, possibly, within your family. Consider all the aspects that make up culture, including race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, and so on.

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?  I contemplated this question all week and did not think I communicate any differently with my friends, whether Black, Native American or Asian. However, I do communicate differently with people at work and the parents of my students. I don’t speak Spanish and most of my students are Hispanic. I often use my hands to communicate and speak much more succinctly and slowly when communicating. Sometimes I draw pictures or even ask an older sibling to interpret what I am saying to the parents of my first graders. I also lean in and listen much more carefully. Of course, I conduct myself differently in casual social situations using informal communication, than I would say at church or in formal communication with colleagues. I don’t see myself having much informal communication with people at work and have to guard my words carefully, since I am a teacher.

Based on what you have learned this week, share at least three strategies you could use to help you communicate more effectively with the people or groups you have identified. Some communication strategies we have learned this week are to look at people when they are talking and really listen to them. I have trouble with this and I justify it by thinking I am multi-tasking. My daughter often accuses me of not listening to her because I am not stopping and looking at her. This is one area that I have been working on. It’s very hard for me to sit still, be quiet and pay attention. I have been told I can do ten things to someone else’s one thing, and I pride myself in that. A second thing I learned was to validate people when they are talking and to keep my mouth shut. I can nod or say things like “uh-huh” to let them know I am really paying attention. A third thing I learned was not to take it so personally when people are texting. I observed a group of young people for an extended period of time. They were all communicating, laughing and talking and all never seemed to put their phones down. I was surprised that they were so comfortable and not offended. I’m definitely living in a different world than I grew up in!

Collaborating and Communicating in the Early Childhood Field - An Experiment

For my course in Collaborating and Communicating in the Early Childhood Field, my assignment this week is to: record an episode of a television show you do not normally watch. Watch the show with the SOUND TURNED OFF and respond to some questions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKWskRDtmRA&feature=relmfu

I chose to watch Melissa and Joey. After watching the show with sound, I learned that Melissa is the youngest councilwoman ever to be elected in her district. Joey is a businessman who lost his job in a scandalous Ponzi scheme being run by his firm. Melissa has a sister who is a convicted felon, and Melissa has custody of her two teenagers. Melissa ends up hiring Joey as a live-in cook and nanny to the children, Rider and Lennox.

What do you think the characters’ relationships are based on the ways in which they are communicating? It is clear that Melissa is the boss and Joey works for her. It also looks like they are not happy with the situation. They seem to be arguing all the time. The people who play the children give off a very different message. They have softened facial expressions and seem to enjoy one another’s company. I was surprised by this, because so many television programs reflect teenagers as constantly fighting. They seem to enjoy the adults and don’t roll their eyes when being talked to. They are often smiling. They seem perky and good-natured. Their body language expresses a carefree lifestyle – that of a teenager.

What are they feeling and expressing based on the nonverbal behavior you are observing? Based on the ways they are communicating, I would say Melissa and Joey definitely do not like each other. They are self-driven and very animated. They make large gestures often and frown a lot. Their arms are often crossed and they lean in and point in one another’s faces. Their mouths are big and open when they talk and it looks like they are constantly arguing. They walk away while the other is talking and turn their backs on one another. They swing their heads back and roll their eyes while listening to the other person. Melissa’s hands are often on her hips and she is pointing her finger a lot. She seems to treat everyone the same way, Joey, her work colleagues, family and friends. However, Melissa and Joey’s body language also gives off the idea that a lot of sexual tension is going on between them. They use their bodies to flirt and their facial expressions also communicate flirting.

Then, I was to watch the show WITH SOUND respond to these questions:

What assumptions did you make about the characters and plot based on the ways in which you interpreted the communication you observed? Surprisingly my assumptions about the adult characters were very accurate. They are constantly arguing. They are both very bossy, think they are in control and think the other person is always wrong. I was also surprised to find that I could pick up on this sexual tension between them without listening to any sound. However, I misread the teens. While they look happy and weren’t nearly as animated, they did act like typical teens and didn’t get along all that well.

Would your assumptions have been more correct if you had been watching a show you know well? I’m sure I would have made better assumptions about a show I watch regularly, but again, I was surprised at how I was able to pick up on much of their body language.

You should try this experiment. It was very enlightening.

Communication in the field of Education

I have just begun my course in Communication and Collaboration in the Early Childhood Field at Walden University. For my blog this week, I was asked to think of someone (e.g., family member, celebrity, politician, friend, or professor) who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context and described what behaviors this person exhibits that make him or her effective?

The first person that comes to mind in answering this question is my husband. In 32 years of marriage, he has never once raised his voice to me. He is extremely calm and thoughtful. He conveys respect on every level when communicating with me and with others. He is not quick to speak and listens intently to what others are saying. He often responds slowly, because he is thinking before he speaks. He is professing all the information. He doesn’t spend time in idle talk – talking about nothing. When he speaks, I listen because I know he is going to say something important. I ask for his advice about everything, because he has a deep perspective that I don’t think I’ll ever attain. I believe this is, in part, because he listens to everything and everyone around him. I would definitely want to model my communication behavior after him. You would think that after living together all this time, I would be much more like him, but I’m not. Sad to say! I talk too much and too often about nothing. I don’t really listen to what others are saying and am too quick to judge and to state my opinion, as if it really mattes in the grand scheme of things.

According to the National Communication Association, my husband practices many of their recommendations:

1. We advocate truthfulness, accuracy, honesty and reason as essential to the integrity of communication.
2. We strive to understand and respect other communicators before evaluating and responding to their messages.
3. We promote communication climates of caring and mutual understanding that respect the unique needs and characteristics of individual communicators.
4. We condemn communication that degrades individuals and humanity through distortion, intimidation, coercion, and violence, and through the expression of intolerance and hatred.
5. We are committed to the courageous expression of personal convictions in pursuit of fairness and justice

Just this week, I found myself saying some cruel things to someone and hurting their feelings. I make the excuse that it’s my nature and that I grew up with a parent that was like this, but there really never is any excuse for this kind of communication. If I could do one thing differently, it would be to go and take back all of the hurtful things that I have said to so many people throughout the years. Since I can't do that, I can pay careful attention to what I say, when I say it and how I say from now on.

O'Hair and Wiemann (2009). Real Communication. Beford/St. Martin's. Boston, MA.